Everyone is wrong! "High EQ" does not mean that everyone likes you... Cai Kangyong s "Emotional Intelligence Course": Learn to accept the "someone is injured" interna

Picture source: Cai Kangyong Facebook

Cai Kangyong, who once hosted the Taiwan hotly talked about "Kangxi is Coming", gave everyone the impression of being smart and in-depth. However, in addition to hosting, his "Emotional Intelligence Course" series of works have also received high praise in the two sides of the Taiwan Strait. Cai Kangyong has his own philosophy on how people find their own way and how to grasp the boundaries between themselves and others.

Cai Kangyong: There is no standard template in life Only suitable scripts

in Taiwan, it seems that life will be full as long as we get into a good school, find a good job, get married and have children. For teachers and parents of the previous generation, we always hope that every child will live according to the successful template. Cai Kangyong wrote in his book: "The school sets 100 points as a template. Every test paper from childhood to big exams is based on the scores we have obtained. A percent distance determines whether we are considered or are low-collected. As we grew up, we naturally thought that there is really a 100% life, a 100% job, a 100% marriage, a 100% family, and a 100% international relationship in the world. No one even discussed with us how to determine whether to win or lose. We accepted seriously that life could be divided. Cheng Xun's family and the winners, the winning group and the failed group. ”

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The "temporary thinking" that parents imparted to the next generation has made it seem that no matter what we do, we seem to be better or worse. If we fail to get the first place, we are also failing when thinking about our lives, and if we become a little fat, we will become a failure... What impact will this continue to affect you? "As long as you believe in the template and mistakenly regard the template as the goal, and only then you can feel at ease if you want to live that way, then you will be very dissatisfied with yourself."

But have you ever asked yourself why you must succeed? What does these success mean for you? If pursuing is not the success you want at all, but instead makes you feel unhappy with yourself, but don’t know what to do, isn’t it a waste to spend your life on such "success"? Many people spent a lot of time to realize that they had been using their lives to pursue other people's affirmation. By the time they really wanted, they had no time to chase them.

Not to bow down. The true "high emotional intelligence" is just like that

Psychological therapist Adler once said: "All troubles are troubles in the world." This sentence seems very suitable in modern times. As the thoughts gradually open up, people have greater interest in "being themselves" and "finding themselves". It seems that everyone has some involuntary actions in this world, and they have distorted some self to cater to this society, which leads to more unhappiness.

"I think now that if you have any ideas, use a teaching and bright method to express it. Don't rush it anymore. It's waste of time to figure out other people's feelings, because you can't figure out what others feel. If I receive a wedding invitation, if the other party verbally invites me, I will definitely say I will take a look, and now I will just say I won't participate. Although the other party will take three lines or It was rolling his eyes, but that was his feeling, not mine. It was indeed difficult to implement it. But I think that human relations were explored in the midst of injuries, and we should not pursue an uninjured human relations." Cai Kangyong said when he accepted the world magazine's visit, but not going to a wedding does not mean that Cai Kangyong would never give blessings. He could choose to use gift-giving as a flexible method to strengthen human relations.

Many people want to clear the boundaries between themselves and others, but are afraid that others will be harmed. For Cai Kangyong, this is like complaining about living in the quagmire and not pulling his feet out, which is very contradictory. Before deciding how to plan the boundaries, you must first understand the risks you bear. Can you accept not caring about the injuries you are injured? Can you understand that the other party was hurt because he chose to feel about this incident, not your responsibility?

To put it bluntly, in fact, "human relationships" exist because of people, and it is not that people want to cater to international relationships. Therefore, when facing international relationships, there is no need to be humble or over-expressed. The key is to "appropriateness" and appropriately expelling one's emotions is what is called "high emotional intelligence".